Value vs. valuable? What's the difference? Is there a difference? To me there is a strong differeence that some people don't understand. People now a days are more concerned with the valuable things. somethig that has a pricetag on it. They don't think about the valuable moments that we just can't get back once their gone. So which one would I choose if I had a choice? I really can't say!
I am frozen behind the starting block in fear. My legs fell like jello so much that I can barley hold my own weight from falling. My stomach is churning because of the nervous energy that is bottled up inside of me. On the right side of me is my competition , Katie Tyler. I can see in her eyes that she is extremely ready and that this isn't going to be an easy race. I start to shake out my muscles, to get them loose for my race. I swim my arms in a circular motion and then slap my arms against my back. I take a slow deep breath clearing my mind of anything other than swimming at this point. Suddenly I fell i slight touch on my shoulder. I turn around quick to my swim coach, Tara, she has been coaching me since I started swimming for the Swords. She begins to whisper in my ear as if she is telling me a secret. She gives me a quick pep talk to get me pumped for my race. After she leaves I then take off my warm clothes and place them on the chair behind me. I stand staring down the pool absolutely ready to own this race.
I'm wearing my favorite suit that I have for the most part won every race i swam in it. It has gotten me about at least 5 different records between championships and Swords records. So I guess you could call it my lucky suit. My suit is of course a Speedo! It is just a plain black suit with white trim along the edges. My Speedo is a size 26,an extremely small bathing suit size. I hate with a burning passion anyone who wears baggy bathing suits. I think its sloppy and very unprofessional. By a bathing suit you can tell a lot about a swimmer. Since my suit is so small it takes probably about 10 minutes to get into it. Yes, you read right 10 minutes. You may think I'm crazy but that is actually normal for any U.S.A. swimmer. I got my suit at a swim meet from a booth that was selling all kinds of swim apparel. It cost about $60. But for how much its been through I think that its worth around $200 to me.
The lights are dimmed and my heart is pumping. I have been preparing for this night forever. This is the third school talent show I've been in. The act before me has just finished and I'm up next. I smooth out my dress, fix may hair and take a look into the crowd. Although the curtain is hiding part of my vision I can see that the auditorium is packed, a full house. I can hear my name being called from the seats. I slowly walk onto the stage, being extra careful i don't trip in the heels that I'm wearing. I am standing cater stage now, and I listen for Melanie to finish introducing me. The curtains open and I am handed a microphone. The lights are shining on me, making my dress sparkle.The music fills the auditorium. My voice begins to project the lyrics into the microphone. Standing center stage is like my second home. I love being up there preforming in front of a crowd. I enjoy entertaining people. I then slow down to finish the song. Suddenley the crowd jumps up giving me a standing ovation. I just take in the moment and stand there, center stage. Right then i have the adrenalin rush that makes you feel ecstatic inside and makes me able to do it over and over again.
I value both my bathing suit and preforming at the talent show for similar reasons. Swimming is something to do to get stress out after a long day and clam me down when I'm angry. It also something I do to just express joy. If you have seen me swim you can tell that it is just something I enjoy and am very passionate about. I value preforming because it also gives me a chance to express myself. I can pick a song happy or sad depending on what mood I'm in and express myself that way. I use singing as an outlet as also for swimming.
I value my bathing suit and preforming at the talent show for different reasons. Singing is something that I can do for myself something I can do on my own time. My bathing suit on the other hand I use for competing. I treat swimming very seriously. Have you ever heard of a hardcore swimmer, because that would be me! Swimming about My saying is life sucks... I rather swim. Swimming Singing I do for fun. There is no competition when I'm singing in my shower or at church.
Although my bathing suit and singing are valuable for different reasons one main reason I value them so much is that I wouldn't be able to live without one or the other. My suit, swimming, keeps me grounded and singing allows me to express myself. I would never trade anything for being able to preform or my suit.
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I. The author here says that things that are priced are not always what is most valuable. She says expensive shoes or cell phones are not always considered valuable, but moments also. Throughout her essay, she describes deeply for her priceless moments/objects.
ReplyDeleteII. Out of the priceless moment and object, the priceless swimming moments were described very vividly more so than the audition. The one paragraph that stood out began with "I am frozen behind the starting block in fear. My legs fell like jello so much that i can barley hold my own weight from falling." In my opinion, I thought this was a very good starting sentence describing her feelings. The whole segment is extremely descriptive, and I liked the way the author worded some of the sentences.
III In general, I thought this essay had a good amount of strengths. Ones that included good writing styles, word choice, and organization. I liked how the author described certain sequences such being the race sequence, and the auditorium where she is auditioning for the talent show. "Right then i have the adrenaline rush that makes you feel ecstatic inside and makes me able to do it over and over again." I liked this sentence as it described her extreme happiness for being able to do something in front of so many people.
IV. I found that there are a few overall pieces that the author should consider before writing her final Draft. One, for example, is spelling. Consider rereading your essay multiple times and even backwards. It will make you see your mistakes and correct them much easier. Also, I found some grammar mistakes involving commas. Again, reread the essay. Finally, it seems like you have three conclusion paragraphs which confused me, and with each of the first sentences you say essentially the same thing. Think about meshing them together next time and maybe even shortening the ending of your essay.
Sabree show's that she both very much values her bathing suit as well as preforming on stage. And they both have a connection with her and who she is. and although one is priced and one isn't they still mean much to her.
ReplyDeleteI believe her swim race was described most distinctly. I really like how a couple of the lines were written. For example, "I swim my arms in a circular motion and then slap my arms against my back." an appropriate line for an exact description. Same goes for, "I hate with a burning passion anyone who wears baggy bathing suits. I think its sloppy and very unprofessional."
An agreeable strength would be your fourth paragraph. I like how you described all the emotions that were pulsing through you at the time and place. Like, "I smooth out my dress, fix may hair and take a look into the crowd." and "The lights are shining on me, making my dress sparkle." They are all of great descriptive form.
Try to recognize how you are placing your words. What i mean is the structure of your sentences. Some spread through your essay were a bit confusing to me, maybe the words could have been switched up a bit to make it more accurate. If you feel it's fine the way it is don't change it. Just a handy tip.
The author questions whether we value moments like we value the things we own. She values her bathingsuit because it costs $60. She also values singing because she enjoys doing it.
ReplyDeleteI believe her race was very well described. I can picture her getting ready behind the block. The author says, "By a bathing suit you can tell a lot about a swimmer. Since my suit is so small it takes probably about 10 minutes to get into it." This helps the reader picture just how small the bathingsuit is.
One of the essay's overall strengths is organization. I think that it is very well organized and the order makes sense. The essay is also very discriptive. The author says, "I slowly walk onto the stage, being extra careful I don't trip in the heels that I'm wearing." This not only describes an item of clothing she's wearing, but also how she walks onstage.
One thing you could do to improve this essay is rereading it. There are a few things that you could find just by reading the essay over. There are a few I's that aren't capitalized. There's just a few typos. Otherwise, I think that its a very good essay
I) Sabree is describing what people value. She is describing valuable memories and valuable objects. She is comparing the two and sharing her opinion on what she thinks is value. She seems to be saying how much she enjoys swimming and singing.
ReplyDeleteII) I thought she valued swimming more. I say this because she has more detail about her swimming than singing. I think this because she dedicates more of her essay to her swimming and her swimsuit. I do believe thet she values performing in front of others but she clearly values swimming more.
III) This essay has many stregnths. When I was reading it I felt like I was in her shoes. I could imagine myself on the block ready to race. I could envision her in a TIGHT swimsuit. It was fairly easy for me to imagine being in her shoes at a talent show because I have also been in a talent show. Her story was believable and the part about the swimsuit was hilarious.
IV) There are a few things I might consider revising. The first would be that you could balance out the two things you value what I mean by this is that you could add more to your talent show experiencce so that it seems that you value both equally. Also you have a few typos here and there. Otherwise it is a very good essay, it reads easily and is believable. good job Sabree!